“everyone has their off days” I tell myself 15 days in a row
my life got about a thousand times better once i stopped censoring myself
and by censoring i don’t mean i suddenly embraced indiscriminate swearing; i mean i stopped trying to sugarcoat my past or my feelings; i stopped lying by omission; i stopped having guilty pleasures; i began unabashedly enjoying whatever i liked; i became very honest; i cut out of my life poisonous people and negative ideals, and i am so, so much happier for it
Take a look: cow’s beef. Sweet peppers. I had ‘em bring it over.
I think I just came.
i’m not even confused about my sexuality i just don’t really give a shit
"Stay With Me" - Sam Smith Cover
Coworker: don't you think it's time to retire? These are your golden years.
Me: not gonna happen.
Coworker: why? Are you in debt or something old man?
Me: naw bitch, (turns around. Wearing sunglasses.) I'm too legit to quit. (gives the middle finger as desk turns into a motorcycle and I peel out. Everyone's amazed.)
What do french people call a really bad thursday?
Amber: I just... I... sorry, no. Caleb, no.
Victoria: I keep winning! I won one competition by default. All I do is win!
Cody: I am ridiculously attractive.
Donny: *makes cricket noise* I'm adorable.
Jacosta: God is bae.
Derrick: Team America.
Zach: I hate everyone in this house! Except for Frankie, I love Frankie. I mean, I'm not gay but I want to sit on his dick.
Frankie: Zach is crazy but he rubs my back <3
Christine: You guys, you will not believe what someone just told me.
Hayden: Nicole, you're so hot.